my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
I need moral support for this bender
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Randomize
