Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
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