well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
