yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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