Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Randomize
