PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
whose ass print is on the piano?
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
