omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
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