If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Randomize
