ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
