so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Randomize
