he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
