you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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