Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
Can you repeat that, but with context?
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
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