i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
