VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
tequila makes me forget i have legs
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
Randomize
