U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
Randomize
