I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Randomize
