At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
Randomize
