I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
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