This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
