I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
