It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
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