My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
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