when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
