i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
