areolas are like halos for boobs.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
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