Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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