mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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