Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
Randomize
