I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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