I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize
