also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Randomize
