I am puke
Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
Randomize