can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
I deserve this hangover.
Randomize
