i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Randomize