Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Randomize
