Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
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