Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
two words...techno handjob
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Randomize
