bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
This is the high leading the old right now
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
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