mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
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