That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
