Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
