I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
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