please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
No subtext here. People are naked.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
My vagina is officially offended.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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