Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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