i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize
