This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
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