I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Randomize
