I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
