Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
The adults are the big ones right?
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
