there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
