I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
