I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
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