I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Randomize
