I can tuck mytits in my pants
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
