I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize