Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
Randomize
