I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Randomize
