i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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