He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
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