you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
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