Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize