Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
