He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
