He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Randomize
