the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
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