I hate your face
he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
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