i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
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