i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Randomize
