i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Randomize
