Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Randomize
