im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
My legs feel like baby dolphins
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
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