at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Randomize
