her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
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