ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
Randomize
