Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
