what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
