Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
