almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
