A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
