What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize