It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
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