i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize