C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
