I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
The best walk of shames are on the highway
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