I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
Randomize
