I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
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