Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
