I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
Found your dick twin last night
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
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