Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Randomize
