I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
