You're completely useless in the revolution.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
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