so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Randomize
