i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
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