we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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