dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
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