we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
