I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
