I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Randomize