I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Randomize
